A Diary Entry: Day 20 - 22 June 2010

This morning is slightly different from usual. It's a tuesday, and every tuesday morning, homeless people come to the church to collect a packet of uncooked maize, that could last an individual almost a week, depending on how much he eats.

It's optional, but the whole team is convicted to come, and we do. Our car turns into the church, and we see around 30 homeless people standing outside the gate, waiting.

We're told by Andrew to pray with them, although they're mostly Afrikaans and might not understand English too well. He introduced us as missionaries, and they're thoroughly excited to learn that we're all from different parts of the world.

They break up into groups of 5 or 7, and Kristen and I pray for one group. She wants me to start, but I'm totally clueless as to how to do so. I have no idea what to say, so I attempt to ask them in simple English whether they understand English.

"You... speak.... English?" (accompanied with a multitude of unnecessary hand gestures)

I probably look more confused than them, and I realise how stupid I am to ask them that in such a retarded manner, especially when they nod.

So I tell them I'm going to pray for them, hardly knowing if they even understand, because they just stare at me rather blankly. And then, I don't know how to start praying, because I'm wondering if they even know what prayer is. One lady clasps her hands together and I do the same, bowing my head as I begin to pray.

Or rather, I struggle to pray. I have no idea what to pray for, or how to pray for them. How can I pray that God will provide all they need, when I'm doing nothing to help? Or how can I thank God that He loves them, when they're living on the streets with almost nothing to get by? I mumble a prayer though, and Kristen prays too.

There's another group with no one praying for them, so we pray for them too. Some of the ladies walked a long way to get here - it would've taken 2 taxi rides to come here, but because they have no money, they walked that distance instead - just for a packet of maize. There are children here too, children who live on the streets and have walked all the way, just for a packet of maize.

Just a packet of maize. How much food do we waste each day, while the homeless live on so little, and do so much, just for a packet of maize...

The people leave soon, and as they do, I find myself feeling a great amount of pain as tears well up in my eyes. I go straight to the toilet, where I break down and cry out to the Lord.

There are many things in life that I don't understand, many things God allows that I cannot comprehend, and this is one of them. I know the Lord loves me unconditionally, and I'm totally blessed by Him. But what about them, I ask God. They are Your children too. You died for them too. You love them unconditionally too. So why are they homeless? Why are they living on the streets? How are you glorified through their suffering?

I cry out to God because I know not what to pray for. The unfailing love of Jesus Christ doesn't seem to be real in the lives of these homeless people. Where is the link? And what else can be done? I'm in pain because all we're doing is filling their stomachs for a few days. It's hardly even nutrition. So they receive some food, then what? They're still homeless, they still have nothing. We're not changing their lives in any way, not helping them break out of the poverty cycle.

I don't know what can be done for them, and I still cannot comprehend God's plan. I never will understand it. But I am still trusting that He loves them more than I ever can, and that this hurts Him much more than it hurts me. I will pray that this burden never goes away - that I will always have a heart for these people, and that He'll show me what I can do for them.